Total 180

So the last post was all about hope and crossed fingers for our trip to Alder Hey with William. Unfortunately the boy has inherited my broken eyes :(

Because he was so little and was in the newborn sleepy mode they couldn't really assess his eyes other than to say yes he has cataracts.

We go back in a couple of weeks to see what is what.

The hope I had with the red / orange reflex was pointless really. It is positive that there is one there as light is hitting the back of the eye but the colour doesn't mean that much it is how bright the reflex is and Will's is dull :(

I managed to hold it together whilst with the doctor but went to get a drink in the canteen and just couldn't hold the tears in. The good thing about tears in a hospital are that people leave you be as you see it fairly regularly.

So with hormones being everywhere I keep swinging from super over happy about my lovely family then from last weeks positive hope to joining David Cameron with the U turns and feeling so guilty and quite frankly sorry for myself.

I keep having moments were I keep thinking he can't see at all as he doesn't seem to focus or react to bright light. I have to give myself a mental slap to get out of the funk. He is only a month today so not quite at the focus stage and I've not been shining lights in his eyes for him to react.

There is no point in thinking of the whatifs yet I just want to stay oblivious until we go back in a few weeks.

Olivia seems to be doing well :). the little monkey won't let them near her to check properly so she's being put to sleep end of July so that everything can be checked fully.

So for now it is a case of stop being a miserable cow as things can be so much worse and they are for some of our friends. Although I can't seem to find the energy to be the upbeat smiley person I normally am I will be making the effort not to waste the energy on moping (and it is hard work being a moaner I have no idea how some people live their lives as miserable sods I would be shattered!)

Now where did I put those biscuits...