So the last post was all about hope and crossed fingers for our trip to Alder Hey with William. Unfortunately the boy has inherited my broken eyes :(
Because he was so little and was in the newborn sleepy mode they couldn't really assess his eyes other than to say yes he has cataracts.
We go back in a couple of weeks to see what is what.
The hope I had with the red / orange reflex was pointless really. It is positive that there is one there as light is hitting the back of the eye but the colour doesn't mean that much it is how bright the reflex is and Will's is dull :(
I managed to hold it together whilst with the doctor but went to get a drink in the canteen and just couldn't hold the tears in. The good thing about tears in a hospital are that people leave you be as you see it fairly regularly.
So with hormones being everywhere I keep swinging from super over happy about my lovely family then from last weeks positive hope to joining David Cameron with the U turns and feeling so guilty and quite frankly sorry for myself.
I keep having moments were I keep thinking he can't see at all as he doesn't seem to focus or react to bright light. I have to give myself a mental slap to get out of the funk. He is only a month today so not quite at the focus stage and I've not been shining lights in his eyes for him to react.
There is no point in thinking of the whatifs yet I just want to stay oblivious until we go back in a few weeks.
Olivia seems to be doing well :). the little monkey won't let them near her to check properly so she's being put to sleep end of July so that everything can be checked fully.
So for now it is a case of stop being a miserable cow as things can be so much worse and they are for some of our friends. Although I can't seem to find the energy to be the upbeat smiley person I normally am I will be making the effort not to waste the energy on moping (and it is hard work being a moaner I have no idea how some people live their lives as miserable sods I would be shattered!)
Now where did I put those biscuits...
Wednesday, 20 June 2012
Tuesday, 12 June 2012
Eye Eye
So tomorrow is a trip to Alder Hey to have a nosey at Olivia's eyes after her operations.
I am a little concerned about her left eye but she seems to be doing so well so hoping it is all positive news.
I am also crossing my fingers that they look at William's eyes. Last time I was there with Liv the doctor said to bring new baby in and make sure the referral was done. I got the referral sorted and had a letter from the hospital to say they had received the info and would arrange an appointment but I really can't wait for an appointment to be sorted I need to know NOW!
With Olivia the doctor who did the newborn checks said she couldn't see the red reflex so straight away we knew something was wrong. We stayed on hospital to see a specialist who confirmed cataracts so waiting for a referral to Alder Hey wasn't horrible in a not knowing way.
This time with Will there is hope. The doc that did the newborn checks was totally over thinking things (in my completely untrained / looking for any sign of hope opinion )
With the red reflex he said that he could see it but it looked orangey. I wasn't sure what to make of this, although it had to be positive as he could see it! I then googled orange red reflex, as I was doing this I was nervous as the saying "google is your friend" doesn't always apply when looking at problems like this, but it seems positive as although called a red reflex it can be orange.
He did say he couldn't see the retina or the disc and I have no idea what that means but he wasn't an eye specialist so this is where the over thinking comes into it. I did google this but couldn't make head nor tail of it in relation to the family history.
The doc did finish by saying if it was a standard newborn check he would have sent us home saying everything was OK. He then added a disclaimer of sorts by saying that we shouldn't take anything from that and that we should see the specialist. He did want his boss to check Will over but they said no so I am assuming that because he could see the red reflex there was no point in looking again.
So I have spent 3 1/2 weeks just hoping and hoping and trying to stay positive. I keep looking at him wondering if he is seeing things but that doesn't mean a great deal as Olivia would look around and she had cataracts!
There are children who go through much harder things than this and their parents have so much to cope with but I really don't want to go through the same operations and weekly trips to Alder Hey with Will.
I want to take the children swimming! We missed out with Liv because of the ops and drops and then when we could go swimming I was back in work full time and we just never seemed to have time before more drops then ops. Without drops we can go splash in the pool!
So firstly I hope my lovely Olivia gets a woo things are going well kind of appointment and secondly pleeeease look at Will and let things be good.
I feel there may be a restless night ahead (and probably cramp from all the finger crossing!)
Please be a good day tomorrow x
I am a little concerned about her left eye but she seems to be doing so well so hoping it is all positive news.
I am also crossing my fingers that they look at William's eyes. Last time I was there with Liv the doctor said to bring new baby in and make sure the referral was done. I got the referral sorted and had a letter from the hospital to say they had received the info and would arrange an appointment but I really can't wait for an appointment to be sorted I need to know NOW!
With Olivia the doctor who did the newborn checks said she couldn't see the red reflex so straight away we knew something was wrong. We stayed on hospital to see a specialist who confirmed cataracts so waiting for a referral to Alder Hey wasn't horrible in a not knowing way.
This time with Will there is hope. The doc that did the newborn checks was totally over thinking things (in my completely untrained / looking for any sign of hope opinion )
With the red reflex he said that he could see it but it looked orangey. I wasn't sure what to make of this, although it had to be positive as he could see it! I then googled orange red reflex, as I was doing this I was nervous as the saying "google is your friend" doesn't always apply when looking at problems like this, but it seems positive as although called a red reflex it can be orange.
He did say he couldn't see the retina or the disc and I have no idea what that means but he wasn't an eye specialist so this is where the over thinking comes into it. I did google this but couldn't make head nor tail of it in relation to the family history.
The doc did finish by saying if it was a standard newborn check he would have sent us home saying everything was OK. He then added a disclaimer of sorts by saying that we shouldn't take anything from that and that we should see the specialist. He did want his boss to check Will over but they said no so I am assuming that because he could see the red reflex there was no point in looking again.
So I have spent 3 1/2 weeks just hoping and hoping and trying to stay positive. I keep looking at him wondering if he is seeing things but that doesn't mean a great deal as Olivia would look around and she had cataracts!
There are children who go through much harder things than this and their parents have so much to cope with but I really don't want to go through the same operations and weekly trips to Alder Hey with Will.
I want to take the children swimming! We missed out with Liv because of the ops and drops and then when we could go swimming I was back in work full time and we just never seemed to have time before more drops then ops. Without drops we can go splash in the pool!
So firstly I hope my lovely Olivia gets a woo things are going well kind of appointment and secondly pleeeease look at Will and let things be good.
I feel there may be a restless night ahead (and probably cramp from all the finger crossing!)
Please be a good day tomorrow x
Friday, 8 June 2012
William George Scholes 20.05.12
William George Scholes
Baby number 2 was on the way! The first few months of 2012 saw babies making early appearances so I spent a lot of time praying my baby would break that pattern due to trying to get Olivia's operations sorted.
So I was due on 10th May that date came and went and I was getting rather annoyed at how good my wishing had worked out.
Midwife came to see me on 17th May and said things weren't looking promising. I was sent to hospital on 18th for monitoring and a scan. They told me nothing was going to happen and wanted to book an induction for the Monday. I didn't want that do pushed it back to Thursday and made more plans to get me through to Thursday.
On Saturday Tom bought me a pizza for my tea to cheer me up so I ate that whilst sorting photos on my computer. My laptop did its usual trick of shutting down when I dare to do anything other than play on t'interweb so I got in a huff and went to bed complaining about my piece of crap laptop and belly ache the pizza had given me. (I still need to sort those photos out...)
I had felt a few twinges and told Tom there may be hope that I might not have to be induced nothing imminent but they felt promising.
When I lay down these little twinges felt stronger but didn't think much of it. An hour and a half later I was still awake as I kept thinking of them so decided to go down stairs for paracetamol so I could go to sleep.
That was about midnight and as I settled down to sleep I realised that the twinges were actually fairly uncomfortable and closer than I thought. I got my little contraction app on and they were every 10 minutes so I decided to get up so Tom could try and get some sleep.
I decided to get a bath as it's what they tell you to do and also I decided my hair was a little too greasy to have a baby heh.
As I climbed into the bath I realised that the twinges were now every 6 minutes and decided that yes I probably was in labour. Whilst sat in the bath I decided I would wait until at least 6 or 7 am before I called anyone.
I managed to get to 3am before waking Tom up to help with the TENS (aah slight relief) I had call his mobile as he couldn't hear me shouting and I could hear Liv stiring..
He called his folks and they headed down from Southport to collect Olivia. At this point I had a little panic that I was waking everyone up too early. Tom decided to add to the number of awake people and called my mum to get her to come to our house for our Tesco delivery.
So the in laws were here getting Liv ready, my mum prepped to get my food and my contractions every 2 1/2 - 3 minutes it was time to get to hospital. As Olivia took so long to arrive there was a part of me thinking it was too soon and they would send me home.
We arrive at hospital to the surprise of the midwives as I had telephoned the hospital earlier to put them on notice but the message hadn't been passed on and they were busy as lots of babies had decided to arrive.
The midwife we initially saw was lovely but I can not remember her name. She went through history, the events of the past couple of hours and read my birth plan.
She had done the standard chat about we'll check you over you may have to go home if not in actual labour. By the time she had the info from me that she needed she said there was no need to check me over as I was clearly in labour as I was having double contractions.
At about 6.00ish maybe? I asked her to check me over as the control freak in me needed to know how far along I was. I was 6cm to which there was great mix of emotions. Yaaay I was a good way along but boooo there must be a few hours to go yet, in my head it was 1cm an hour but clearly not.
The MW left us to it and I got Tom to rearrange the room haha. They have brilliant height windows ledges in the hospital to lean on during contractions but the bed was under the window. He sorted it for me and I felt easier for a bit.
MW popped her head in and made a joke that I was doing great and at this rate I might not even make it to the pool, I so did not have a sense of humour at that point and demanded drugs and lots of them. She chuckled said I would be fine and vanished.
I kept walking and leaning on windows and shouting at the bloody birthing ball which kept getting in my way but decided I wasn't coping and told Tom he had to push the button to get me the drugs, he lovingly ignored me and not long after the helpers came to get me to move me to the pool. At this moment I had the urge to push so the walk there was a little uncomfortable, especially without my lovely gas & air in my hand.
I got into the pool and freaked out as it was so bloody hot. I love hot baths but fark me whoever ran the pool had made it booooiling. We had a new MW at this point called Jo who stuck her hand in and had to agree and ran the cold water whilst I am stood there wanting to get out haha
I calmed down enough (and the water cooled enough) for me to kneel down but I was still being a bit of a loon saying I didn't know what to do and I wanted to push but was I allowed to push? Heh. With Olivia because there was issues we had a few people there and it seemed busy and people told me when to push or breathe. Jo just kept telling me to go with my body but I didn't know what I was doing! I may have also made comments about a magic sieve...
Very suddenly my brain engaged, I shut my whining and knew what I had to do and I was off. He bloody flew out. I read my notes and spoke to MW about the birth. She said my waters went just as I got in the pool and he arrived 11 minutes after that!
He arrived at 7.44 am weighing 8lb 8oz :)
Then there were lots of cuddles and cooing and being totally in love.
So he is almost 3 weeks old and he has been a dream. He fed great from the start and has just been so easy going, probably because I had a bit of an idea what I was doing this time around.
Poor boy has had a cold and sleeping on his back for a long time stuffed his little nose up so we have had a few 4am cuddles but he just chills on my shoulder.
Fingers crossed he stays so relaxed :)
I will add some photos if I ever turn my laptop back on.
Baby number 2 was on the way! The first few months of 2012 saw babies making early appearances so I spent a lot of time praying my baby would break that pattern due to trying to get Olivia's operations sorted.
So I was due on 10th May that date came and went and I was getting rather annoyed at how good my wishing had worked out.
Midwife came to see me on 17th May and said things weren't looking promising. I was sent to hospital on 18th for monitoring and a scan. They told me nothing was going to happen and wanted to book an induction for the Monday. I didn't want that do pushed it back to Thursday and made more plans to get me through to Thursday.
On Saturday Tom bought me a pizza for my tea to cheer me up so I ate that whilst sorting photos on my computer. My laptop did its usual trick of shutting down when I dare to do anything other than play on t'interweb so I got in a huff and went to bed complaining about my piece of crap laptop and belly ache the pizza had given me. (I still need to sort those photos out...)
I had felt a few twinges and told Tom there may be hope that I might not have to be induced nothing imminent but they felt promising.
When I lay down these little twinges felt stronger but didn't think much of it. An hour and a half later I was still awake as I kept thinking of them so decided to go down stairs for paracetamol so I could go to sleep.
That was about midnight and as I settled down to sleep I realised that the twinges were actually fairly uncomfortable and closer than I thought. I got my little contraction app on and they were every 10 minutes so I decided to get up so Tom could try and get some sleep.
I decided to get a bath as it's what they tell you to do and also I decided my hair was a little too greasy to have a baby heh.
As I climbed into the bath I realised that the twinges were now every 6 minutes and decided that yes I probably was in labour. Whilst sat in the bath I decided I would wait until at least 6 or 7 am before I called anyone.
I managed to get to 3am before waking Tom up to help with the TENS (aah slight relief) I had call his mobile as he couldn't hear me shouting and I could hear Liv stiring..
He called his folks and they headed down from Southport to collect Olivia. At this point I had a little panic that I was waking everyone up too early. Tom decided to add to the number of awake people and called my mum to get her to come to our house for our Tesco delivery.
So the in laws were here getting Liv ready, my mum prepped to get my food and my contractions every 2 1/2 - 3 minutes it was time to get to hospital. As Olivia took so long to arrive there was a part of me thinking it was too soon and they would send me home.
We arrive at hospital to the surprise of the midwives as I had telephoned the hospital earlier to put them on notice but the message hadn't been passed on and they were busy as lots of babies had decided to arrive.
The midwife we initially saw was lovely but I can not remember her name. She went through history, the events of the past couple of hours and read my birth plan.
She had done the standard chat about we'll check you over you may have to go home if not in actual labour. By the time she had the info from me that she needed she said there was no need to check me over as I was clearly in labour as I was having double contractions.
At about 6.00ish maybe? I asked her to check me over as the control freak in me needed to know how far along I was. I was 6cm to which there was great mix of emotions. Yaaay I was a good way along but boooo there must be a few hours to go yet, in my head it was 1cm an hour but clearly not.
The MW left us to it and I got Tom to rearrange the room haha. They have brilliant height windows ledges in the hospital to lean on during contractions but the bed was under the window. He sorted it for me and I felt easier for a bit.
MW popped her head in and made a joke that I was doing great and at this rate I might not even make it to the pool, I so did not have a sense of humour at that point and demanded drugs and lots of them. She chuckled said I would be fine and vanished.
I kept walking and leaning on windows and shouting at the bloody birthing ball which kept getting in my way but decided I wasn't coping and told Tom he had to push the button to get me the drugs, he lovingly ignored me and not long after the helpers came to get me to move me to the pool. At this moment I had the urge to push so the walk there was a little uncomfortable, especially without my lovely gas & air in my hand.
I got into the pool and freaked out as it was so bloody hot. I love hot baths but fark me whoever ran the pool had made it booooiling. We had a new MW at this point called Jo who stuck her hand in and had to agree and ran the cold water whilst I am stood there wanting to get out haha
I calmed down enough (and the water cooled enough) for me to kneel down but I was still being a bit of a loon saying I didn't know what to do and I wanted to push but was I allowed to push? Heh. With Olivia because there was issues we had a few people there and it seemed busy and people told me when to push or breathe. Jo just kept telling me to go with my body but I didn't know what I was doing! I may have also made comments about a magic sieve...
Very suddenly my brain engaged, I shut my whining and knew what I had to do and I was off. He bloody flew out. I read my notes and spoke to MW about the birth. She said my waters went just as I got in the pool and he arrived 11 minutes after that!
He arrived at 7.44 am weighing 8lb 8oz :)
Then there were lots of cuddles and cooing and being totally in love.
So he is almost 3 weeks old and he has been a dream. He fed great from the start and has just been so easy going, probably because I had a bit of an idea what I was doing this time around.
Poor boy has had a cold and sleeping on his back for a long time stuffed his little nose up so we have had a few 4am cuddles but he just chills on my shoulder.
Fingers crossed he stays so relaxed :)
I will add some photos if I ever turn my laptop back on.
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
Rubbish Blogger
So here we go again, I keep saying that I am going to blog then just never seem to get around to it.
Since I blogged last time so much has happened.
I have has my 20 week scan which was brilliant as baby was living in my hip so getting all the measurements that were needed wasn't too easy, at one point I was holding on to the bed for dear life as she was tipping it further and further back with tom on standby to grab my ankles :)
Then after that we had Christmas which was lovely. Olivia understood it much more this year and although loved the lights on the tree she pretty much left it alone, doubt that will happen again.
Then January to March went by in a mixture of my body slowly falling apart and work being pretty pants with morale being super low and bosses being bastards, although as maternity leave grew closer I cared less and less and it was nice think I was escaping for 10 months.
March and April were filled with lots of trips to Alder Hey for the next stage of Olivia's operations. She now has artificial lenses in her eyes.
The first eye she was babbling away happily and the second eye has been a little more tricky. She had a bit of an infection and it's still not right but we go back next week to get it checked out.
Then we get to May. Pretty quiet month really, well until 20th May when my beautiful baby boy William made his entrance to the world. I am going to do a separate post with the whole birth story.
He is now 17 days old and it has been a lovely few weeks. He has caught his Dad's cold so is struggling a little but hopefully it will clear soon.
Olivia is dealing great with Will. There have been a few moments of jealously and upset but that is to be expected. At the moment she loves to help out which is lovely but at wash time and nappy time can get a little messy :)
She is super cute when he sneezes as she says bless you Will :) this is one of the few times she uses his name, other then that he is baby or George, George is his middle name but it comes from Peppa Pig hehe
So life is sailing by nicely and fingers crossed that it lasts. Though I am alone with 2 on Friday so I may start with a break down then, especially as it a forecast heavy rain :/
Now let's see if I can actually keep up with blogging.
Since I blogged last time so much has happened.
I have has my 20 week scan which was brilliant as baby was living in my hip so getting all the measurements that were needed wasn't too easy, at one point I was holding on to the bed for dear life as she was tipping it further and further back with tom on standby to grab my ankles :)
Then after that we had Christmas which was lovely. Olivia understood it much more this year and although loved the lights on the tree she pretty much left it alone, doubt that will happen again.
Then January to March went by in a mixture of my body slowly falling apart and work being pretty pants with morale being super low and bosses being bastards, although as maternity leave grew closer I cared less and less and it was nice think I was escaping for 10 months.
March and April were filled with lots of trips to Alder Hey for the next stage of Olivia's operations. She now has artificial lenses in her eyes.
The first eye she was babbling away happily and the second eye has been a little more tricky. She had a bit of an infection and it's still not right but we go back next week to get it checked out.
Then we get to May. Pretty quiet month really, well until 20th May when my beautiful baby boy William made his entrance to the world. I am going to do a separate post with the whole birth story.
He is now 17 days old and it has been a lovely few weeks. He has caught his Dad's cold so is struggling a little but hopefully it will clear soon.
Olivia is dealing great with Will. There have been a few moments of jealously and upset but that is to be expected. At the moment she loves to help out which is lovely but at wash time and nappy time can get a little messy :)
She is super cute when he sneezes as she says bless you Will :) this is one of the few times she uses his name, other then that he is baby or George, George is his middle name but it comes from Peppa Pig hehe
So life is sailing by nicely and fingers crossed that it lasts. Though I am alone with 2 on Friday so I may start with a break down then, especially as it a forecast heavy rain :/
Now let's see if I can actually keep up with blogging.
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