I am in a funny place at the moment. I wasn’t going to obsess over the whole baby thing as in reality I wasn’t expecting Thomas to agree to babies until possibly this coming summer if then even.
Things in work are weird. I was so looking forward to the challenge of going to build up family in woolton, get out their and be a marketing whore but the atmosphere is horrible in all of the offices at the moment.
The partners keep having meetings and changing the goal posts for people. It is hard to know what is going on when it feels like the partners themselves have no idea what to do. They are blaming the credit crunch which is fair as we all know what it is like at the moment but looking at our figures we’re not actually too far behind and if people pull their socks up hitting target is quite doable.
Though the problem is no one has the motivation to pull their socks up. It is actually enough to try and find the motivation to get up and go to work at the moment. Each day there seems to be something new, no hot chocolate, no tissues, cancelling the water coolers daft little things which in the long run aren’t going to help at all. I mean how much can not buying hot chocolate actually save?
Everyone is getting itchy feet as well. With the constant moaning about figures and “motivational” speeches from the office manager which basically say “suck it up and be grateful you have a job” people are sticking two fingers up and saying stick your job yup your arse and looking else were. Despite what they want us to think there does appear to be jobs out there.
Renu has left us. I was really quite sad about that. I worked for her as a clerk for about 18 months or so and I don’t think I appreciated at the time that she gave me a lot more confidence in myself, something I have always seemed to lack. Even though she wasn’t my boss I would always pop into her room with my stupid questions that I can’t ask anyone else.
Her leaving do was great fun with the office manager and IT manager getting so horrendously drunk. IT manager threw up all over the table, it was vile! She later said I knew I was going to sick and didn’t think I would make it to the toilet so was just sick on the table. The office manager was then shouting everywhere she’s my best mate. If that was one of us we would have probably had a lecture about inappropriate behaviour haha.
So this week has been weird without Renu but she will do great in her new role.
Thursday Gemma told us that she was also leaving at the end of February. I feel kind of bad because we do spend a lot of time talking about how at times she can rub us all up the wrong way but we’ve been good friends. She is so funny with the crazy things she comes out with and I can see myself being a bit of a gibbering wreck at the end of her night out.
Ah well I am going to make sure that it is the best party the firm has seen.
So that takes me back to what I was actually going to say way up there. I really feel like I want a change but the timing is all wrong if I go about looking for a new job now I would have to put all the baby plans on hold and that is something that I am not prepared to do. It is just the thought that getting pregnant is not as easy as some of the stories and films would have you believe.
It also makes me hate most of our care clients who get pregnant at the drop of the hat, spends months and months in court having the child removed from them and going through the adoption process and then get pregnant again. This happens so so much. We have one care client who has been a client for 7 years, one fro 8 and one for 11 years! 21 different matters in her name.
My brain and fingers keep going off track which maybe is a good thing stops be focusing on how unbelievably broody I am. I really need something to occupy my mind.
I have spent time trying to find a hobby or distraction. The photo a day actually lasted three weeks so that is quite good haha I should start that again as it was fun but I just don’t have an eye for it, though it has made me look around me more and notice some of the lovely things that I miss simply walking from A to B without looking.
I then came up with the crazy idea of writing a book. It is nice to get my brain working something other than work and I have had loads of ideas but I have this stupid pessimistic voice in my head saying what is the point it is too hard to get published it will be a waste of time. Maybe that is just a realistic voice not a pessimistic one.
In any event I appear to be in a funk which is damned annoying. I decided a few years ago that I was no longer going to be a miserable oik and it has faired well. Life is so much easier when you let things slide by and simply smile but sometimes smiling take effort.
Good grief what do I sound like haha
The only way to get out of a funk is to get up and move so we’re off to the cinema tonight and then if Thomas is lucky I will him buy me a meal. Hopefully this weird mood will shift sharpish and normal service with be resumed.
1 comment:
tell ya something lady, it's soo hard not to obsess because it's a big decision. If you start to think about the what if's and wherefores then no one would ever have a child. I mean look at me and AL, we have a nice life at the mo but add in childcare and the fact I won't get any maternity and we have no money at all. But hey, that's life. If it happens it happens and it will happen. Might just take time coz like I said took me 6 months, working out the routine, letting the pill out of my system and knowing a little more about when things happened. *big hugs*
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